Owen Gets A Makeover
by Lord Kristine
Summary: Claire asks Owen to keep their daughter busy. Hilarity ensues.
Owen was reading a novel when Claire dropped Lily in his lap. In a way, he was grateful for the interruption, because he had only been half-reading the book. It was very long, and the words were too complicated for his poor, little brain. He barely had a grasp on the story, but he would have refused to put it down under normal circumstances, because he was afraid that Claire would find out he had been lying about his level of booksmartiness. This is why he placed the novel gently on the coffee table with hidden gratitude, balancing his daughter on one knee with the aid of his left arm. He tickled her chin and smiled at Claire.

"You need me to watch her for a bit?"

She nodded.

"I have to get my makeup done for the gala tonight. Lily saw me applying base, and now she's insisting that she needs to practice her own cosmetic skills."

"She's two years old."

"Exactly. I can't have her plastering chemicals all over her face."

"So what's the alternative?"

"She's going to practice on _you_."

Owen looked at Lily, who gave him a merry grin. She was missing a tooth near the side of her mouth. The tender crater where it had wiggled loose three days ago was starting to heal. It was no easy task to put a quarter under her pillow, because she slept lightly. Owen knew this because it was his turn to play the Tooth Fairy last. Lo and behold, Claire was making him take on the full burden of raising Lily once again. Not that he minded. She was probably his favorite person on Earth.

"Da!" she squeaked.

He smiled and rubbed noses with her.

"You're interested in makeup, huh?"

She nodded fiercely.

"Daddy is going to be beautiful tonight."

Owen gave her an uncertain smile.

"Do you have to do this _today_?"

Claire dropped a bag of various beauty tools into his lap.

"Yes, she does. I need personal time, Owen, and she'll get into my good makeup if I don't provide her with this opportunity. There's nothing too toxic or dangerous in there. You're both perfectly safe. Just do this one thing for me, okay?"

Owen sighed and gave a nod of defeat. Claire smiled in reply, then gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Make sure she washes her hands afterwards."

Owen couldn't help but feel like he'd made a terrible mistake by agreeing to this. Each step Claire took up the staircase brought her farther away from him, and he felt defenseless alone. Once she had disappeared completely, he knew that he wouldn't be able to seek her aid, lest he interrupt her in her preparatory activities. Owen looked down at Lily, who was trying to unzip the bag. He gulped and opened it for her, and she rooted through its contents gleefully.

"You're gonna be _so_ pretty, Daddy!"

He gave a nervous hum.

"I can't wait."

Lily pulled out a tub of green goop. She turned it over in her hands with a puzzled frown.

"What's this, Daddy?"

"It's the part you put on your sk-"

Before he could finish, she smothered his cheeks with the cold substance. He grunted.

"Lily, darling, I don't think this matches my complexion."

"I'll make it even."

To his horror, she slapped another wad on his forehead. At this rate, he would end up looking like the Incredible Hulk. It was only when Lily screwed open the lipstick that he realized a more apt comparison would be a seasick Joker. She pressed the bright red tip against his mouth so hard that the cylinder bent slightly.

"Make a kissy face, Daddy."

He pursed his lips, and she began to trace the inside of his mouth. He could taste the stuff breaking away in chunks on his tongue. Lily beamed.

"Go like this."

She made a lip-popping gesture, which Owen imitated. Obviously, she deemed this operation unsuccessful, because she applied another layer, which almost reached his nose. He resisted the urge to lick it off.

"It's time for blush! Smile!"

She grabbed a thick brush and fluffed it across a round receptacle full of rosy powder. After dabbing Owen's cheek, she decided it wasn't bright enough, and dug the brush into the cup until the pink stuff cracked. Owen feared what he might look like after this procedure.

Next, she picked a color of eyeshadow that probably fell under the label of "Cheap Hooker Blue". This went all the way up to his eyebrows.

"Alright, Daddy: don't blink."

Lily promptly jabbed a stick with a wet end into his cornea, and he realized that she had found the eyeliner. This was followed by mascara, which was equally painful. Finally, she used both brushes to paint his eyebrows black, because she said it would make him look more dignified.

Satisfied with her work, Lily put down her tools and held a mirror in front of his nose. Owen pushed it back in order to get a good look at the end result. He nearly shat himself when he saw the horrifying image of his vomit-colored face. Obviously, his appearance had the same effect on Claire, who shrieked when she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Owen, I- OH!"

She covered her mouth.

"Oh, god. Oh . . . god . . ."

"It's alright. I'll clean myself up before the gala."

Lily leapt to her feet and gave an agonized wail.

"NO!"

Owen bit his tongue and knelt in front of her.

"Sweetie, I have to. I can't go to the gala looking like this."

Her lip started quivering.

"But I made you pretty . . ."

Owen looked down at his daughter's eyes, which were brimming with tears. In that moment, he made a decision, though he knew the consequences would be severe.

"I'm not going to wash my face."

Claire's jaw dropped.

"Owen, you can't go to the gala in makeup!"

"Why not?"

Claire was on the verge of exploding.

"Be-cause-you-look-ri-di-cu-lous!" she exclaimed.

Owen nodded loosely.

"The people at the gala may think so, but there's only one opinion I care about. If Lily thinks I'm pretty, I'm pretty."

It took a long time to convince Claire to let him go, but he wouldn't back down, and she was forced to give in. The rest of the evening was filled with uncomfortable stares and puzzled expressions, but Owen didn't care.

The look on his daughter's face when he came home was well worth it.


End file.
